Deep inside

Why am I embarrassed to tell you this? I simply loved feeling wanted and fought for. This desire is set deep in the heart of every little girl- and every woman. Yet most of us are ashamed of it. We downplay it. We pretend that it is less than it is. We are women of the twenty-first century after all- strong, independent, and capable, thank you very much. Uh-huh... and who is buying all those romance novels? Captivating, Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

But sometimes, I wish, I was worth the risk too." I read this in one post and this hit me. I think that's one of our fears as women that we will end up abandoned and alone. I think it's true that sometimes we are just waiting for someone who would be courageous enough to break the walls that we build just to protect ourselves from pain and heartaches, we want someone who is sure of us and who would make us feel seen, heard, valued, and cherished just like a little girl longs for romance, to be seen and desired, to be sought after and fought for.      

As much as we hate to admit it, it can be exhausting to be a strong, independent woman who never asks for help and always tries harder. Despite feeling God's love and loving Jesus, there are times when we crave the feeling of being worthy of love from someone else. There are days when we feel unattractive or unintelligent and wonder why we aren't being pursued and fought for as a woman. I've learned that it's not healthy to suppress these longings and that it's okay to let others be a part of my story. It can be scary to be vulnerable and open ourselves up to others, but I've realized that these desires that God has placed deep within my heart are essential to my womanhood and the life that He intends for me to live.

You can find that life if you are willing to embark on a great adventure. I was reading this new book from John and Stasi Eldredge this morning. Thus, I am so excited to share my thoughts about this. And I've realized it's just normal for a woman to feel these desires and longings and just to embrace her femininity. My life lately is just full of surprises. I haven't attended the class today because I woke up with a headache and writing, reading, and sleeping give me enough rest while still doing some lessons at the same time. And writing is really a good medicine.

I couldn't imagine that my journals and letters are resonating now and reaching people like you. Truly, He answers prayers at the right time. I am truly happy and still amused about my roller coaster ride this season. I also cherished your messages, I never know all the answers but I am also grateful that you guys find me trustworthy for you to share your stories, I hope my journals uplift you and lead you to the One who truly heals.

As a woman, I believe that we all share the same stories, struggles, prayers, and hopes. We also share the same insecurities and fears that sometimes take hold of us. It's not uncommon to feel unworthy or question our true worth, especially when others have deceived or lied to us. However, the little things in life bring us joy and happiness. It's when someone remembers our favorites, invites us to spend time with them, and takes a walk alongside us that we truly feel appreciated. Despite our fears, we need to find joy in being a woman and embrace our femininity, including our strengths and weaknesses.

But my good spiritual mentor and friend wrote, "It is unsafe to have your heart unguarded and think you still have a safe haven. It is unsafe to once again open up yourself to relationships that have gotten you hurt in the past without learning and applying lessons from mistakes learned through it. It is unsafe, most of all, to let your emotions take over your sensibilities. As Proverbs 6:27 says, "Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?"

We need older men and women to guide us along in all aspects of our life because we're not meant to do things alone. We need a community, we need others as well.

Published by Merrel Ya

A lady who has been pondering her hope into Christ, inhaling His grace, and enjoying the beauty of life. Writing about life, asking God about "kuliglig sa kanyang dibdib."

2 Replies to “Deep inside”

Titus Jr Laxa

Thank you for sharing! One of your more honest and vulnerable postings! Singleness is really an affliction, meant to draw in us not an ounce of self-confidence, but every drop of dependence on Him who bestows upon us His gifts in His selected seasons 🙂

Praying with you!

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