It’s twelve in the morning and here I am facing deadlines, but still choose to roam my mind here. I miss writing here, I miss sitting in the corner , while listening to the sounds of crickets and let my mind blow.
Everyday seem endless, working at home makes me restless more that I could imagine. Even in my dreams, I’m still at work and unable to meet deadlines,it is really frustrating and irritating.
Checking works, preparing lessons, preparing videos, preparing modules, and attending meeting and the lists go on and on….
How could I finished all of those?
Yet, I don’t know why I’m still getting up and continue doing it.
Trying to make things better though sometimes it feels discouraging.
Earlier I just broke into tears. I just felt like crying, my heart was so heavy because I feel so weak and feels like no one understand this profession.
I really love this but why there are some point in my life like this time that I asked if it’s really the path that I should pursue?
It feels like my mind isn’t functioning properly this time.
(My mind wanders in any place.)
Moons and stars make the night more sincere and makes me more honest in my feelings.
I want a tap on my shoulder, so I tapped my shoulder saying “Yes, you can!”
Cheering up myself sound crazy yet helpful.
Another one , writing a journal is really fun and exciting. I received free stickers for my new journal just this morning, I joined an online community who shares experiences about journal writing last month and it makes me happy.
My journal is my best buddy ever! Though I have friends who are really blessings for me , yet since then when I was still young writing in a journal makes me at ease. I share all my cries to the Lord there. I share my anger and frustrations, and when I need some airbags at the moment pen and notebook were there for me.
And time flies so fast, it’s almost one in the morning.
I really don’t like to continue all those things. Hayss!
But I need and I must do it!
If I can escape for a moment even for five minutes from these responsibilities.
But the Lord reminds me in this verse:
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not you own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
What a wonderful promise for those who “trust”.
Maybe I put my trust on the things that “I can and I can’t do” instead on the things that He can do.
Maybe it’s time to go back from work again.
