messy day

journal prompt: day 160/365

"Sometimes you gotta just lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling fan and talk to God about confusing life things and tell Him you're gonna trust him even though nothing makes sense right now." Worship blog

I never thought that my mid-twenties would be like this, full of twists and turns and unexpected adventure. I am just living in a quiet province and aspiring to make a difference by sharing my journal prompts. It's kinda weird that there are already thousands of people listening to my voice like you, I don't know who you are and your stories but I am just like you trying hard each day and wondering if I would make it till the end. I am not always hopeful, there are days like this when it's easier to stare at the ceiling and talk to God about my life problems and how hard it is to be an adult woman in this generation. I call this heart-to-heart session with God and it's like going and knocking into His office as always.

I think all of us experienced a messy version of ourselves, a life quarter crisis, wondering if we would really make it. Adulting, admit it, this sucks at times when you have less privilege, some of us need to work really hard just to sustain and provide for our basic necessities, you also need to account for everything just to know you spend your money wisely and you need to delay some of your wants just to fund your dreams. And now it's so tiring to check all over my expenses.

Raise your hand if you're like me when you were younger thinking that twenty-six means you figure it out already, that you will be happy sitting on the couch with your hubby or wifey drinking some coffee while gazing at the stars at night, dancing and telling some funny jokes, but now you're still clueless of what's next?

I am favored to have older women on my side, giving wise counsel in my season. Now, I really appreciate older people who are very willing to share their experiences and expertise with the younger ones because they've been through a lot already. Though each story is really different we should listen to their life lessons as well. We have different stories to tell; we have different blessings to receive and that's the beauty of life. Its always uncertain yet surprising.

But the beauty in adulthood is when you already know the things and the people that matter the most, when you already know who you are, what you like, and what you don't like, when you know your identity, value, and purpose, you gonna be so willing to miss the things that you know won't add value in your life. You will find beauty in letting go, you won't compromise yourself anymore, and you will learn not to fit in with someone's perception or idea about you because you are a complete person already. I mean things that I thought really matter when I was younger were just a trap and barriers to fully discovering who am I in God's eyes.

And what I love the most now is to simplify and clarify things about myself because not all of the people would give this to you so you must give it to yourself. Not all people would give you peace so give yourself a favor, choose peace. Not all the people would understand you, so embrace yourself. Not all people would speak the truth so give yourself a favor, and seek the truth. That's the hard thing in this generation, everything is instant, artificial yet superficial. 

False beliefs become ultimate truth, they say truth depends upon each person's feelings and beliefs. The sad reality because we're living in this generation with so many lies and full of self-entitlement. And I realized if we believers will muzzle our mouths, if we believers won't search for truth and speak for it, what would happen 100 years after? It's saddening and heartbreaking that our value systems are being neglected by many, by most of us and I am not an exception.

If we are confused about so many things going around, think of the little ones. Violence is now in video games, pornography is on every corner, movies and commercials promoting new kinds of relationships, and pills and contraceptives are just one delivery away. We're all busy, right with our lives? Why would we think so much about this stuff? Would this add value and purpose to our lives given the fact that adulthood is so much hard? It's much better to mind our own lives and just let other people be in their own way.

Sad reality.

We're all just surviving? I asked.

I think all of us hold a power, a power to remain silent, solve our own problems, go on our own way, live, and die. Or we can use the power He entrusted to us, now that we are healed, free from the bondage of slavery of sins because of Christ, we have the power to be His little light, lighting the dark streets on our way, magnifying His light as we walk each day, trusting Him though life is always uncertain, and holding unto His promises that He never leaves.

Yeah, life is messy at some point in our lives but if we are in Christ, life is full of meanings. This world is full of brokenness, hurt people can hurt people, imagine what saved people can do. Imagine what healed people can do. Healing, saving, instead of hurting. How magnificent it is to see people in this generation having a hard time but still magnifying His light. If God is for us. who can be against us?

Oh, I need to count my expenses again. How about you. how's your adulting journey so far?


Published by Merrel Ya

A lady who has been pondering her hope into Christ, inhaling His grace, and enjoying the beauty of life. Writing about life, asking God about "kuliglig sa kanyang dibdib."

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